i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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