While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
