You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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