Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
