Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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