I just found puke in my bra..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
