I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
