I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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