His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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