haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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