she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
