woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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