I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
