i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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