he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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