tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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