R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
