I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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