You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He better not be in your backpack
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
