Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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