you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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