Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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