I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
