Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
