That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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