I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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