I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
