Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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