you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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