Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
