6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
