peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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