Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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