piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My hand turned me down
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
