walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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