i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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