Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
