I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My vagina is officially offended.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
