He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
