I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
