Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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