i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
