Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How does it feel to date your dad?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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