sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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