If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
