o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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