I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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