Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
