She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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