At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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