I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
