You're completely useless in the revolution.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
