i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
