In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
