dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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