Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
