i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
