Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
