just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
