My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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