When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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