1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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