Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
