i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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